as i lay on my bad..suddenly

listening to my playlist..
waiting for my eyes to walk along the dark road...


suddenly...
all about him walk across my mind..
i dun know why..
everytime i try to close my eyes..
i still can't
i keep thinking about him n our memory..
n my tears keep falling down..
itz not my dreamzz..yeah..
why must i keep thinking bout him??!!
why??


the person that i really mean is..
AHMAD SHAHRANI BIN ABDUL AZIZ..
a.k.a bob@booboo..(juz me call him ded..ngee=_=)
he's my first love..my really true love n he was so special to me..
i knew him when i was in standard 6..
wat a very sweet puppy love..
untill now i really can't forget everything bout him..
wat makes him so special to me actually?
yeah..coz he's so differents n i love the way he show me his love..
he didn't wrote me any poems or sweet words..
but he shows me his love from his own action..
i love the way he treat me..
we seemly not like a couple ded really2 in love..
but i realize ded..
it is actually a very true love..
ded is why we can stand for a very long time..
when i'm sick..
he come to me n take care of me...
when i'm angry to him...
he'll stand outside my house n wait for me..
n bring something..
as i remember..
he'll bring me ''happy meal''..
or...
big mac..
n he'll kiss me..
he's not''mat jiwang''
but..
he just be who he is..
he's just a skater boy n love to play all around..
but very excellent..
my moms knew his moms coz they used to work at the same place..
so do my my dad n his dad..
his granny taking care of my moms when i was born..
yeah..he was born on 14jun1990 n me??
hahaha 2nd of july 1990
his family treat me well..


i didn't have a very formal date with him..
since in primary school..
coz "afifah sering difitnah"
n bcoz of his cute face..
many girl outside there crazy to him..
me?
just stay quiet n humble..
watever people said bout me..
in science lab..
i have to sit juz beside him..
but we did'nt talk to each other at all.
i just used to play his bobdog...
n him??
play my liquid..
after UPSR..
we went to the school trip together..
waaa..genting n kl..
yeah..we used to spent the time together..
but less talk..
i heard ded he candid my pic when i was sleeping in da bus..
huhuhuhu~
den we went to klcc..
it was nite..
he gave a present..
he ask me to choose wheather mashimaro or blossomzz.
coz he knew ded how much i love ded..
then,i just choose mashimaro..
it was a very sweet moment..
someone candid our picture at ded time..
but untill now i can't see da picture..
even i tried so hard to find that person..


form 1..??
less talk..less meeting..
i dun know much about him..
so,i can't really contact him..
i just knew ded he's in kolej sultan abdul hamid..
well,as usuall..
burfday card n hari rya only..
itz ok..

form 2...??
our love start to be more close at the time...
at first he did'nt tell me he loves me..
den..,after a long time..
start with..
i miss u..
i love u...
i need you..
n
lastly..
i dun wanna lose u..
where we used to spend our time?
sometimes pacific..
but as usuall..
palygroud of coz..
he'll come with our frenzz..
ein,aiman,wan faiz,fikry..ngeee
play together aaaaa.
then..skating..
itz ok..
eventhough i was so happy at ded time..'
but i have to face so many situation..
especially..
"STINKY BOYFREN STEALER"
"STINKY GIRLFREN STEALER"
like raven always said..muahahaha
i just stay calm n try to be strong..



form 3..??
eventhough we used to clash for a while..
but we realize ded..
we can't live without each other..
before PMR..
everynite..
after tuition class..
he'll send me back..
by wat???
no moto!
no car!!
but..
BMX...
yeah... i really love ded..
one nite..
in front of my house
only me n him..
eat lolipop..
chating2..joking3..
suddenly..
without expecting ded..
he kiss me...
he kiss me on da lips..
it was our first kiss n french kiss..
i really love ded moment..

form 4..??
our relationship begin to slow n slow..
unfaithful??
yeah....
ded is da reason..
i was so scared at ded time..
i dun wanna lose him..
of coz..
but wat can i do..
25.february.2006
break up with him..
i called him n said..
"bob,kta break aa??"
he just stay quiet n turn off his fon..
wat is da reason actually??
let it be a secret..
but i can't forget bout it..
never...
it hurt so bad..
i'm not really being effy after i break up with him..
everyday i cried n cried..
untill den..
my sister bring me to langkawi to calm me down..
i threw all the picture there..
cry n cry..
i wanna forget everything bout him
more then a month..
i just stay quiet in my house..
no more playground or mcd...
his frennz ded is also my frenzz?
i just left dem...
yeaah..they were so surprised coz of ded..
n being angry to him..
but i told them..
don't hate him..
pkah,tuty,fatin,ein,aiman,faiz,bangau,nas..
no more lepak2 at the playground...
i can't really forget him..
eventhough someone come to my life..
only him ded i really love...
yeah..i heard a lot bout him..
but itz ok..
i just stay quiet..
nothing i can do..
how much i love him...
how much i need him..
how much i need him in my life..
but i can't return to him..
i really can't coz it hurt me damn so bad....
the pain still vivid in my mind..
i dun know wheatther i've already forgive him or not..
itz really hard for me....
yeah..he do ask me to return..
but wat can i do??


wat happen now??
yeah..i think ded he do have a great life..
even i heard ded sumthing broke his heart..
maybe it was "karma"
i felt symphaty to him..
but he deserve ded..
hurrrmmmmm...
me???


still searching for true love...
even when i get couple with someone..
i dun wanna promised anything or give him hope..
n ..
no hope or promised from the person..
better be like ded...

if sum1 ask me..
efy..honestly.du u still lurve him?
i'll say definately yes...
efy..do u still miss him?
i'll say probably yes..
efy..do u actually accept ded u've already lose him..
then,i'll say..i can't coz i love him so bad..
n i realize ded..
he is da one ded i really love...
ded i really need in my life..
da one who really can bring me those hapiness n also can make me cry..
but wt can i do????
he's not for me...
but i really hope ded he'll find d girl ded really can makes him happy n
understand him..
eventhough he's such a naughty boy..
but he's actully so special...
hey u..da girl ded can win his heart..
plss...take care of him..
don't dumb him..
thanks a zillion..






p/s.. i iove u...booobooo..
smoga bhagia slalu..
dun wory..
i won't ever forget bout your bfday..n rya..